Misled

Don't read unless you wanna hear me whine.

Early this week, I found out that my ex-company declared a 5-month bonus. Yes, FIVE!

But of course, I get absolutely nothing. Despite the fact that my current boss still gets his share of bonus through his wife (who stayed on in the ex-company just to ensure that happened).

I can't stop banging my head over how stupid I am. Or how my boss completely misled me into thinking I'd get at least something. Or how he has constantly made empty promises but never lived up to them.

The new company gave us a "mini angpau" of a few hundred ringgit "in appreciation of your efforts in helping our company start up the past 3 months". Yes, thank you for the nice bullshit and all. But wei, Mr. MD, I sacrificed my RM11,500 to help you set up a new research department and all I get is a measly few hundred? Come on!

On hindsight, I should have stayed on in the old company. On hindsight, I never should have followed this man. On hindsight, I wouldn't still be glooming over my desert-looking bank account. On hindsight, I should have noticed all the clues that pointed out that this was not a boss worth sacrificing for.

My heart blardy aches because I lost so much money. It aches more when I see the mounting credit card bills I struggle every month to pay. It practically breaks when I know that I have to bear all these destitute-ness for another year. And I do not believe that next year's bonus will even be anywhere near RM10K, let alone 5 months.

I'm so disappointed by the decision I made. I have no one else to blame but myself, for putting my trust in someone everyone warned me not to believe. It's so sad that all these has completely ebbed my enthusiasm in starting up this brand new department. Maybe I'll feel better in a few days, or few weeks, or few months. But right now, going to work blardy sucks.